Traditional Congregation of Creve Coeur
12437 Ladue Road
St. Louis, MO 63141-8100
Phone: (314)576-5230  Fax: (314)576-1162
Office e-mail: tradcong@sbcglobal.net

Seth D. Gordon, Rabbi
rabbigordon@tradcong.org

Ephraim I. Zimand, Rabbi Emeritus

Have a laugh on us . . .

Heavenly Procession

An orthodox Rabbi dies and goes to heaven. As he's approaching the gates, he hears a band of singing and dancing angels approach, and begins to get excited. The lead angel approaches the Rabbi and asks if he would mind stepping aside for a moment. Shocked, the Rabbi does so. The angels march out of the gates and encircle a man who has also approached the gates. The man is an Egged bus driver [Egged, pronounced like egg-head without the h, is the Israeli tour bus company.] The joyous parade of angels carry the bus driver in ahead of the Rabbi.

-- Thanks to Barry Schapiro and JewishMag.com

When young David was asked by his father to say the evening prayer, he realized he didn't have his head covered...so he asked his little brother Henry to rest a hand on his head until prayers were over.  Henry grew impatient after a few minutes and removed his hand.  The father said, "This is important...put your hand back on his head!" to which Henry exclaimed, "What, am I my brother's kipah?"

--Thanks to Barry Schapiro and the Internet

During a service at an old synagogue in Eastern Europe, when the Shema prayer was said, half the congregants stood up and half 
remained sitting.  The half that was seated started yelling at those standing to sit down, and the ones standing yelled at the ones 
sitting to stand up.  The rabbi, learned as he was in the Law and commentaries, didn't know what to do.  His congregation suggested that he consult a housebound 98 year old man who was one of the original founders of their temple.  The rabbi hoped The elderly man would be able to tell him what the actual temple tradition was, so he went to the nursing home with a representative of each faction of the congregation.

The one whose followers stood during Shema said to the old man, "Is the tradition to stand during this prayer?"
The old man answered, "No, that is not the tradition."
The one whose followers sat said, "Then the tradition is to sit during Shema!"
The old man answered, "No, that is not the tradition."
Then the rabbi said to the old man, "But the congregants fight all the time, yelling at each other about whether they should sit or stand."
The old man interrupted, exclaiming, "THAT is the tradition!"

-- Thanks to Barry Schapiro and the Internet

Two bees met in a field. One said to the other, "How are things going?"

"Really bad," said the second bee. "The weather has been cold, wet and damp, and there aren't any flowers, so I can't make honey."

"No problem," said the first bee, "Just fly down five blocks and turn left. Keep going until you see all the cars. There's a Bar Mitzvah going on and there are all kinds of fresh flowers and fresh fruit."

"Thanks for the tip!" said the second bee, and flew away. A few hours later the two bees ran into each other again.
The first bee asked, "How'd it go?"

"Great!" said the second bee.  "It was everything you said it would be. There was plenty of fruit and, oh, such huge floral arrangements on every table!  I made my quota easily."

"Uh, what's that thing on your head?" asked the first bee.

"That's my yarmulke," said the second bee.  "I didn't want them to think I was a wasp."

-- Thanks to Cyndee Levy

HOW TO STAY SAFE IN THE WORLD TODAY 

Avoid riding in automobiles because they are responsible for 20% of all fatal accidents.   

Do not stay at home because 17% of all accidents occur in the home. (that's 37% already)   

Avoid walking on streets or sidewalks because 14% of all accidents occur to pedestrians. (now that's 51%)   

Avoid traveling by air, trains or buses; 16% of accidents involve these forms of transportation. (that's 67%)   

Of the remaining 33%, 32% of all deaths occur in hospitals.  

Above all else avoid hospitals.  

You will be pleased to learn that only 0.01% of all deaths occur in a synagogue, and these are usually related to previous physical disorders.   

Therefore, logic tells us that the safest place for you to be at any given point in time is in Synagogue.   

Torah Study is even safer. The number of deaths during Torah Study is too small to register.   

For safety's sake, go to Shul as often as possible, and attend Torah Study. 

It could save your life! 

 -- Courtesy of the Internet and Lois Elfanbaum

Synagogue Bulletin Bloopers 

“If you enjoy sinning, the choir is looking for you!”

“We are taking up a collection to defray the cost of the new carpet in the sanctuary.  All those wishing to do something on the carpet will come forward and get a piece of paper.”

“Don’t let worry kill you.  Let our synagogue help.  Join us for our Oneg after services.  Prayer and medication to follow.  Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our congregation.”

“The Associate Rabbi unveiled the synagogue’s new fundraising campaign slogan this week:  ‘I Upped My Pledge.  Up Yours.’”

-- Thanks to Nanci Gold and Naomi Sanders for sharing these “Bulletin Bloopers” from the Internet)

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